In the movie version of the story you are about to read, there will probably be some sex, and Brad Pitt will play the role of the author - though he would, of course, have to dye his hair. For now, however, we -- meaning you and me -- will have to content ourselves with a story line involving greed, gambling, the stock market, despair, blind luck and - this is the key contemporary element - daytrading. OK, so we're only talking about a measly thousand bucks. Those of you who can't get excited about a thousand dollars are encouraged to copy this story and edit all the figures up to an amount that gets your blood racing. I expect Hollywood will add at least five zeros, perhaps six or seven.

Let us set the stage -- until last week, I'd never owned a stock, a bond, a share, or any sort of ... um, "financial instrument," I believe is the legal vernacular. There has never been anything in my possession that might indicate that I was remotely participating in the American system of investment and/or the creation of wealth.

No, I don't have a suitcase full of money under the bed, or buried in the back yard; nor do I have any particular aversion to capitalism, at least not such that I am philosophically opposed to personally wallowing in wealth. I'm simply one of those Baby Boomers who economists and pollsters are constantly fretting about - you know, the ones who Aren't Putting Enough Aside for the Future. The ones who will be a burden to the Next Generation.

The truth is this: I've been squandering money on frills like shelter, food, clothing and transportation for years. (And computer junk, but let's not go there.) And you owe me, for I've long been aware that all it would take to crash and burn the high-flying national economy would be for me to invest in it. "Schult is in, it's time to get out," the analysts would say ... and the markets would plummet, and soon everyone, including you, would be back to subsistence farming and outdoor plumbing.

It is remarkable that I've held out this long, given that I've spent the last five years toiling in the engine room of the Internet economy. I laughed when Netscape became a billion-dollar company one day in 1995. And then it happened over and over again, with different companies. I began to think my background in economics, obtained, as it was, during the Carter administration, was a considerable hindrance in understanding the virtual realities of the Internet money machine.